Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
If its not for food we ain't going out.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
