he shaved USA in his pubs
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
