I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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