I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
