The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Randomize
