In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
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