remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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