I wanna passion pit in your ass
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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