So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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