you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
