new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
