oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
