I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize
