Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize
