It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Randomize
