Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
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