I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
