so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Someone signed my nipple.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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