But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
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