see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
