Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
