Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
