just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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