$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
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So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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