The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
