shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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