fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
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