I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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