i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
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