Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Randomize