His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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