I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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