Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
