I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
30 People Reveal The Moment They Realized: ‘Oh Sh*t, I’m An A**hole’
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
30 Tiny Celebrity Tattoos You’ll Want To Run Out And Copy ASAP
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
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