So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
he just fucked me for my cheese..
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
