and my herpes radar will keep us safe
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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