we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
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