Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Randomize
