I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize
