Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
Randomize
