Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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