Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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