U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
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He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
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I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
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