Pants 0. Shit 1.
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
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