I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
