I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
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Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
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I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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