he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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