Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Randomize
