i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Randomize
