Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
