Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Randomize
