I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Randomize
