I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
