if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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