life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Send help, water and tortillas.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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