When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
