Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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