Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
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