I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
