Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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