we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Randomize
