Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Randomize
